Try to use simple language, appropriate to your child’s age and understanding. You might say: ‘I have something sad to tell you. Grandad died this morning.”
Be honest
You may need to explain to a young child that when somebody dies their body stops working. You might say: “Grandma was very old and when bodies are very, very, old they don’t work as well as they used to. Eventually, they stop working.” Reassure your child that death is a normal part of the life cycle, just like being born, and is a natural part of growing older.
Share and express your feelings
Children look to the adults around them for cues on how to behave. They will decide from this whether it’s OK to talk about what has happened and to show their emotions. Be honest and show your child that it’s OK to feel sad and to also have different feelings at different times.
Allow your child to express their grief
An older child might not appreciate the special things that elderly members of the family bring until that person is not around. They can also no longer change anything about their relationship with that person. If they have any regrets, it can help some young people to write a letter, expressing what they wish they’d said or done when the person was around, or simply writing down or sharing memories about them.
Grief can be delayed
The closeness of the relationship a child or young person has with their grandparent or elderly relative will influence their response. The death of a distant relative with whom they have had very little contact may be an event that causes little upset, and their grief may be short-lived. However, sometimes their grief can be delayed and may show itself when attending a family occasion, where they become aware that someone important is missing and always will be.
Recognise that each relationship is unique
When a grandparent dies, it’s an opportunity for a family to grieve together. It’s important to acknowledge, though, that each person had their own unique and individual relationship with the person who has died. Everyone in the family will experience the loss in their own way.
For help and information for bereaved children and people grieving the death of a baby or child we highly recommend contacting Child Bereavement UK’s helpline on 0800 02 888 40 or email.
