Whether for Christmas, Hannukah, work parties, family gatherings or other festivals, December is often a time for people to come together to celebrate, remember and socialise.
But what about if you’re – or someone you’re close to or work with is – bereaved or grieving? That family party, big lunch or night out may feel daunting. How can you cope with the festive period and look after your own wellbeing?
If you’re finding this time of year challenging, our National Bereavement Service advisers have some pointers on dealing with common Christmas conundrums.
—
Cancelling Christmas
If you feel the only way you can cope is to cancel Christmas, then – perhaps with some help – take that step. The downside of doing so is that the rest of the world carries on, so it’s best to avoid TV and social media, perhaps ask someone to open your post and order your shopping online.
An alternative to cancelling Christmas or other celebrations altogether may be to explore activities or getaways with small groups. You’ll have a break, and it could be a great opportunity to spend some time with likeminded new people. Perhaps take a look at UK-based escapes such as walking trips, kayaking or wild swimming, or maybe try wellbeing retreats further afield, such as yoga and meditation breaks in Spain, India or Thailand.
Turning down invitations
Invitations are usually well-meaning. People won’t invite you to a Christmas meal or other gathering unless they mean it and it is an act of genuine kindness, but you’re still allowed to say “no” if you don’t want to take them up on it.
If you know it’s a crowded table, ask if you can let them know at the last minute, depending on how you’re feeling on the day, or perhaps ask if you can just go for the meal (remember that you still need to eat) and come home immediately afterwards. One more or less won’t affect the catering.
Need some fresh air? Maybe join them if they’re planning a walk, which will be quieter allowing you to speak to just one or two people at a time.
Sending Christmas cards
Get a card printed with a simple Christmas design that you can use to inform your wider friends, family and contacts of the death.
For example, “In case you’re not already aware, sadly [name] died on [date]. Thank you for understanding that I/we will not be sending our usual card/letter this year but will be using Christmas to treasure precious memories with close family. Thank you if you have already been in touch. I/we really appreciate your friendship.”
Christmas dinner
If you’re normally in charge of a Christmas or other celebration meal and responsibilities lie with you again this year, choose only what you can handle and delegate everything else, working to people’s strengths.
For example, if someone has special dietary requirements, ask them to cater for their main course and perhaps a dessert to suit everyone. Choose the menu around what people like, and not necessarily what a traditional Christmas or festival meal should be, if that makes things easier for you all.
Taking a moment
All getting a bit overwhelming? Make sure you can take some time out, wherever you are, and escape to a room where you can certain you won’t be disturbed. Perhaps agree this with your host beforehand. Ideally this won’t be the downstairs loo or bathroom, which are likely to be used by other people during the gathering.
Gifts
If the death is very recent, gifts for the person who has died may already have been given to you. Quietly remove them, or ask someone to remove them for you, and – if the gift-givers agree – perhaps give them to a charity in memory of the person who has died. They could become prizes in a fundraising auction or raffle, rather than simply sold in a charity shop.
Clothing and other personal care essentials could go to a homeless charity, or a charity for refugees or domestic abuse survivors.
—
Need more help? Access practical bereavement support from the National Bereavement Service
The National Bereavement Service supports anyone who has experienced a bereavement, including sudden or traumatic bereavement, with practical and emotional information and advice from professional bereavement advisors with lived experience.
We help you to comply with legal requirements, signpost you to providers such as funeral directors and solicitors, and provide a listening ear that helps you through a very difficult time.
Our expert advisers also help anyone to plan ahead for their own death, from Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney to considering funeral costs.
For personal, confidential, and practical help following a bereavement, or for advice when planning your future, call the NBS on 0800 0246 121 or visit www.thenbs.org
—
Trusted legal support for your people by Adroit Legal Services
Established in 2015, Adroit connects your people and your customer base to quality-assured, affordable and accessible legal services from trusted and experienced experts.
Legal specialists throughout the UK are tried and tested, delivering honest advice whatever stage of life you’re at to protect your interests, family and wellbeing.
Adroit’s panel of advisors, including estate planning and LPA specialists, offers a free initial consultation and discounted rates to make legal services accessible to everyone that’s important to your organisation.
